Top 10 Things Men Like to Watch Women Do

Masturbating. Twerking. Fondling each other on the dance floor. BOOBS! We think men just want these things, but really, men are much weirder than that. Actual things men like to watch women do...

Eat Phallic Symbols While Making Eye Contact

Whether it be a banana, hot dog or cheese sticks, for some reason, men love seeing phallic symbols enter a woman's mouth. Bonus points if it leaves a nut-custard-look-a-like on your lips (like mayonnaise or whipped cream). Make sure you subtly lick your lips when you're done.


Men's brains go haywire with sexual fantasies as they see how flexible you are. Maybe part of it is the fact that longer muscles are stronger muscles and flexibility reduces risk of injury when doing strenuous activities, haha no, it's probably the idea that you might be able to stick your legs on the bed post while he's poking you with his meat rod.

Remove Shirt and Bra and Jump on a Trampoline

Men love boobs, but this takes it to a whole new level. The bajonga bongas bouncing are more hypnotic than erotic, but it's an easy, surefire way to get him to say yes to something because his head is already moving that direction.

Do Something Embarrassing Like Try to be Sexy and Fail

When you embarrass yourself, they feel embarrassed for you. It triggers some sciency words in their brain that takes sexy and turns it into a bonding love type of thing. Like walking a cat walk, "ooh she's hot," but then tripping and falling over your own two feet, "Haha, I love this woman. I got to see the real her underneath all that perfection," which is another way of saying, "Yay I'm still superior!" It's a great icebreaker.

Take a Shower

Men love a clean woman. Haha, No. They love naked women touching themselves. But it's more than that because he doesn't get a boner watching you shower. And it has to be his woman, not just any woman. Watching a woman take a shower gives them the husband, ownership vibe. The woman goes from house to home when men see us do domestic things the paradigm of husbands and wives do. You are subtly marketing yourself from a sex object to a potential wife and mother when you live his idea of that role. While making them breakfast might be intimidatingly too much home if too soon, a shower is a nice subtle dream of settling down some day, which when that happens, watching you shower is a territorial thing: a break from the day to admire a beautiful piece of art.

Do Complex Mathematical Calculations

Just kidding.

Wrestle Other Women Half-Naked in Jello

This one is kind of self-explanatory, but really men love seeing a woman's animal instinct come out in a savage, vicious fight, and even better if slippery, shiny, sticky and wet! If you are his woman, you need to make sure the fight is about him if you still want his respect later.

Discover a Piece of Cookie in your Bra and Eat it.

It makes them wonder what else could be in there.

Work or Pursue a Passion

My dad's most favorite thing to watch my mother do was lead a choir. Men love watching us women do things we are good at, as long as we aren't beating them at sports.

Shut Up

Getting to really know someone kind of kills the sexual potency, but really men would rather know you on a more intimate, instinctive, nonverbal level. Men have very simple minds, and words complicate some moments. They are busy basking in your presence. Don't make them multitask. But there are times for conversation, like when the whole point is to have a conversation. Just make sure you match your words to his level of ability to follow the point and attention span based on the circumstances.

Now you know the truth-ish. Instead of groping and making out with your BFF on the dance floor trying to flash a little titty to get men look at you, now you know, go to the table, sit, eat cheesesticks in a very subtle, sexy manner. If I'm wrong, at least you got some deep fried mozzarella out of the deal instead of your BFF's bad breath taste in your mouth. Priorities ladies. Food before Dudes.

Do you have a sex or relationship Pinterest Board? Go ahead an Pin this baby!

Michelle Grewe

Humor and Spiritual Writer and Graphic Artist, Michelle Grewe is an Air Force Veteran, mother, and a human jungle gym. Published in 7 Books, Michelle’s art is featured in her coloring book designed for spirituality and mental health, From Dust to Essence. Websites who have featured her work include Popsugar Moms, Mamalode, and Blunt Moms. Her nonsense actually does make sense if you drink enough vodka and pray. Find her on

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